5 Steps for Supporting Emotional Regulation in Young Children
1. Co-Regulation Comes First
Dr. Dan Siegel emphasizes the importance of co-regulation: a calm and attuned caregiver helping a child navigate big feelings. When your child is melting down, the first step isn’t to stop the behaviour but to offer reassurance: "I see you’re so upset. I’m here."
2. Acknowledge and Validate
Naming emotions helps children feel understood and builds their emotional vocabulary. For instance, if your child is frustrated because the blocks keep falling down, you might say, "You’re feeling frustrated because the tower keeps falling. That’s so hard."
3. Hold Boundaries Firmly and Kindly
Emotional regulation doesn’t mean letting harmful behaviours slide. Boundaries are essential for safety and emotional development. You might say, "It’s okay to feel angry, but it’s not okay to hit. Let’s find another way to show your anger."
4. Teach Coping Strategies
Introduce healthy outlets for big emotions. Deep breathing, stomping feet, or squeezing a stress ball can channel feelings constructively. Play, as suggested by Deborah MacNamara, is another powerful tool for processing emotions.
5. Model Emotional Regulation
Children learn by example. Narrate your process when you’re feeling frustrated: "I’m feeling overwhelmed, so I’m going to take a deep breath and count to three." A feelings and emotions wheel can really help support you to identify your emotions and feelings. You can access my free ones here. I’ve also made a child friendly version!
When Emotional Overload Happens
Sometimes emotions erupt uncontrollably, especially when a child is overtired, hungry, or overstimulated. In our family, we call this an "emotional diarrhoea moment." These moments aren’t about fixing or stopping the emotions—they’re about weathering the storm with compassion and presence.
The Bigger Picture: Connection and Emotional Regulation
The Jai Institute of Parenting emphasizes that emotional regulation is as much about connection as it is about teaching skills. Eye contact, physical touch, and attuned listening create a foundation of safety where children feel free to express their emotions. Over time, this nurtures their ability to self-regulate.
How Parent Coaching Can Help
Supporting children through big emotions is no small task. As a parent coach, I work with families to develop tailored strategies rooted in conscious parenting principles. Whether it’s managing tantrums, understanding hitting, or navigating your own triggers, I provide tools to help you feel confident and connected.
Emotional regulation takes time to develop, and young children need our support along the way. By validating emotions, holding firm boundaries, and modelling regulation authentically, we guide our children with empathy and intention.
If you’d like to dive deeper into emotional regulation or other parenting challenges, I invite you to explore my coaching sessions. Together, we can create a calmer, more connected home for your family.
