Matrescence: Why It Matters
Matrescence: Why It Matters
When I first heard the term "matrescence," I felt a wave of recognition wash over me. There was finally a word for the profound shift I had experienced when I became a mother—a transition that felt far bigger than the world around me seemed to acknowledge. I made sense. THe feelings I had weren’t because I wasn’t destined for motherhood, nor were they a sign I needed to try harder to become a better mother! Matrescence, coined by anthropologist Dana Raphael in the 1970s, describes the physical, emotional, relational, and psychological transformation of becoming a mother. It is often likened to adolescence, another period of identity upheaval and redefinition, yet it remains largely unspoken in mainstream culture.
Matrescence matters because it gives context to the complexities of motherhood. It offers a lens through which we can see our struggles, joys, and growth not as failures or triumphs in isolation but as part of a profound human experience. Understanding matrescence not only changes the way we mother but how we view ourselves, our children, and the culture around us.
The Layers of Change in Matrescence
Motherhood is not just about raising children; it’s about becoming someone new. Motherhood changes everything. It’s meant to. As Sophie Brock, a sociologist specializing in motherhood studies, points out, the cultural narrative often reduces mothers to a singular role, ignoring the multifaceted identity shifts they experience. Matrescence validates this process, showing that it’s natural to feel conflicted, to grieve your old self while embracing the new one.
Physically, your body has grown and birthed life—an awe-inspiring feat that often comes with changes in how you view your body and its purpose. Emotionally, you’re likely navigating heightened vulnerability, deep love, and new anxieties. Relationships shift as well—whether it’s with your partner, friends, or even yourself. And psychologically, you’re grappling with a new sense of purpose, often questioning societal expectations and inherited patterns as well as newfound existential dread for the world we live in and the future we are leaving for our children.
Amy Taylor-Kabbaz describes matrescence as an "invitation to pause." It’s an opportunity to explore who you are becoming. This isn’t always easy. Like adolescence, matrescence can feel messy and unpredictable. But in this messiness lies the potential for growth, self-awareness, and profound connection.
Why We Need to Talk About Matrescence
The societal silence around matrescence leaves many mothers feeling isolated. Without a framework to understand their experiences, they often internalise feelings of inadequacy or guilt. But as Zoe Blaskey of ‘The Motherkind Podcast’ often emphasizes, motherhood doesn’t have to mean losing yourself. Instead, it can be a process of rediscovery, of finding your most authentic self amid the changes.
Talking about matrescence also challenges the unrealistic expectations placed on mothers. In a culture that prizes productivity and perfection, acknowledging matrescence allows us to honor the invisible work of motherhood—the emotional labor, the identity shifts, and the sheer effort of showing up each day. It helps us move away from binary narratives of "good" or "bad" mothers and towards a more compassionate understanding of what it means to parent.
Your Journey Through Matrescence
In my own journey, I’ve felt the push and pull of matrescence deeply. As I shared in my webinar, it was during my second maternity leave,doing my Masters, juggling a toddler and a baby in a foreign country during COVID, that I truly began to understand the magnitude of this transformation. I found myself questioning not just my parenting but my values, my career, and my identity.
What helped me was learning to embrace the discomfort which was a very new experience for me. Instead of resisting the changes, I leaned into them, seeking support and reframing my struggles as opportunities for growth. This process led me to train as a matrescence coach, fueled by a desire to help other mothers navigate this profound transition with more clarity and compassion.
Why Matrescence Matters for the World
Matrescence doesn’t just matter for individual mothers; it matters for society as a whole. When we support mothers through this transition, we create stronger families and communities. When mothers feel seen and valued, they’re better able to show up for their children, partners, and themselves. As Sophie Brock reminds us, motherhood is not just a private experience but a deeply social one. By shifting the narrative around motherhood, we can create a culture that honors the contributions of mothers and the humanity of their experiences.
Finding Support in Your Matrescence
If you’re navigating your own matrescence, know that you’re not alone. This transition is as unique as you are, but you don’t have to go through it unsupported. Whether it’s through joining a mothers' circle, seeking coaching, or simply naming what you’re experiencing, there are ways to find clarity and connection.
Matrescence is not a problem to be solved but a journey to be embraced. It’s a reminder that you are not just raising children; you are raising yourself. And in that process, there is immense power and beauty.
